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Latest Post: March 12, 2010 at 10:39 AM
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At the suggestion of Hugh I moved this post  to a new subtopic of becoming sexy:

What about the question of becoming over-sexy? It is a natural danger and result of what is almost a “need” as John puts it, to be sexy in life. How do you make sure you’re not going overboard? For example, Franis in her story tells how her partner gave her a sloppy kiss. First, it is already a price to pay that one is not always willing to give, and what if in another context there is not an easy-ready solution as that (though as I said, it’s not suitable for all)? How do you know that you’ve respected the limits and made yourself understood? To keep saying “I’m taken” is certainly good, but is it efficient enough to counteract the dangerous effects of over-sexiness?


Hi Anita,
This has always been a problem.  I like to show it off a bit--at least in my youth I did.  And my husband liked me to show it off a bit back then...but how to show it off and not look like you're asking for trouble, that's the question.

I came to the conclusion that it's not really possible and if I didn't want to be approached I'd better dress down.  Which I did and I still do although youth has flown and I'm not as thrilled with gravity as I used to be.

And even if you do dress down, the mystery of that can draw some attention.  Full purdah and veils can be attractive to some.

But black leather and stainless steel rivets are always better left at home if you don't want to acquire a following.


I don't know any woman who solved this. I do know many who little by little dress more and more down, especially in academia where they want to be taken seriously and any sign of having breasts is seen as a detriment. Any attempts to come dressed as they would like is usually rewarded by behaviour which makes them regret their choice. I see Linda feels the same.

This does not mean this is acceptable! It is perhaps one of those problems which needs to be solved on the level of society rather than the individual level.

I'm not sure how to start solving it on a social level besides to spread awareness of it. Maybe talking about it here is a good start. With awareness the law will also help, but law will never seep deep enough to reach every corner, nor is it applicable in many situations. (A related though very different topic is how to deal with creeps.)


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This topic continues in the following branching discussions:

Becoming sexy - Avoiding over-sexy - How not to flirt?

This topic is a continuation of:

Becoming sexy

  
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